Happy (surrogate) Mothers’ Day!

Ok, so it’s Mother’s Day. I’ve duly forwarded the poetic messages I received from my lovely friends to ten other mothers and acknowledged the hot pink  roses and gift stickers on viber that another mum-friend sent me.

alokaya1My own mother passed away a week or so ago. However, when she did pass away, I had to do my duty to another lady and inform her personally of my mother’s passing. She only knew my mother through me. She is my surrogate mother to me and lives on Kinsey Road, where I was boarded as a young lawyer who needed to be close to the courts and counsel’s chambers. The guidance and sharing of those years and the continued connection we have is  something that gives me comfort and tethers me when the world swims around.

It’s just that focusing only on your birth mum may serve to blot out all the motherly love, advice, good kicks under the butt and salvation from absolute damnation we have received along the way from other people’s mums or those who were never biologically created to bring forth. No one probably knows of those relationships and kindnesses as we hardly publish it as we would, our birth mum’s.

On Facebook, -yes, I love it unrepentantly – the tributes are wonderful. But there were two that stood out:

yellow araliyaA friend of mine thanked her sisters for their guidance and love in the absence of her own mum. Very moving as many of us have had that loving guidance from our sisters in the absence of our mum’s presence of mind and foresight in some cases. I did. My sister intervened very early in my life. Her confidence in my brain power and the solutions she found for me to build up my complete lack of self-esteem and transformed me completely and made me aware of what I was capable of achieving. Am eternally grateful to her for this.

The second was a comment by a cousin to an ‘Aunty who is a cousin’s husband’s mum’ as she put it and always showed us motherly attention and was someone we looked up to and could trust unconditionally.

And of course there are those friends’ mums who took us into their home when thrown out (temporarily) out of our own, when we were treated badly or so we believed or when we nearly did something utterly disastrous or had just done, with a member of the opposite sex at a silly stage of life.

So yes, while the emotional and physical burden of a birth mum who had to nurture us with that umbilical pain we caused her is unsurpassed, here’s to our sisters, auntys and grandmothers, etc. who were our surrogate mums in the Sri Lankan cultural kulla or sulagu;  and gave us motherly love and kindness that saved and formed us and add so much to our lives for very little in return.

Happy Surrogate Mother’s Day !

If you have a surrogate mother’s story to share do write in!


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